O.O.P.S. (Only Ordinary People Sleep)

So, I don't really watch TV. I occasionally watch Family Guy, but it's much easier to do that online. The only use I have of my TV is, really, to play Smash Brothers. However, today after dinner, I saw that they were showing The Mask, so I decided to watch it with my sister. In the two hours that I sat there, there was probably 45+ minutes of commercials. 

I know I complain a lot about how much the media screws with our minds, but I guess I never really fully comprehended that since, seeing as how I don't like the media, I don't pay attention to most of it. However, watching the movie and sitting through the commercials showed me clearly the influence of the media in our culture. And it's quite disappointing.

The Mask was actually a really good movie. However, Cameron Diaz was obviously the Megan Fox of two decades ago, and I felt that was pretty much all her role was in the movie. But the movie was the movie, and it wasn't what bothered me the most. There were all these commercials that were selling whatever products they were selling. But not really. What they're really selling is the look. The way the actors and actress look, act, talk, and express their desires. It's not that the companies want you to want their products; they want you to want to be like those people in the commercials (because the people in the commercials want those products). However, there are a lot of implications to, say, wanting a perfume product (why would you want to smell a specific way?). If you add that with the current trend of TV shows featuring teenage drama with really attractive teenagers who wear too much makeup, you result in some really messed up teenagers and viewers. All of these have something in common, and that's appealing to what's popular and cool. It's like what I always say about Glee: "Watching other people sing about their miseries so you could forget about yours."

This is in light of the recent breakups, including those that happened to some close friends of mine.

There are different levels of "letting go." Some people don't actually realize that and think it means to totally forget about what happened and move on to a "new life" which ends up being not so new because they just make all the same mistakes again.

The first level of letting go is literally letting go - letting that person pursue what he/she thinks is best for their happiness. Accepting, even if you disagree with what it is, that he/she has found something else seems to be worth more than everything you two have been through and will go through in the future if you two were to stay together. Certainly, his/her happiness is what matters the most, right?

The second level is letting go of the memories. Memories are attached to certain experiences, places, smells, items, etc. Where ever you go, you will be reminded of that person because you are able to link everything to a certain memory of you two. As John Paul said, "The only memories I have of [home] is with [her]." Letting go does not mean forgetting, though. It means not dwelling on the fact that they will not happen again. It means going to that special place that you two shared and being thankful for the good times and not saddened by what is past. It means letting go of the emotional link to the memory so that you can think about it clearly.

Personally, this was something that I did not expect to be a problem, but it turned out to be. After a while, it was not too bad in New Orleans as there were few places that triggered memories; it was mostly watching other couples that triggered memories. When I got home, I had these really strange feelings as I walked into my room. I realized later that it was the smell of my room and the weather here to which I was reacting because of the strong connection between those two and many events that happened in the past. So here starts another challenge where I must let go of the emotional link I have that is between the smell of my room and this awfully cold 60 degree weather, and the memories associated with them. Needless to say, I was quite ready to go back to New Orleans already.

The third level is being able to objectively look at what happened and learn from it. There will be many "in hindsight" moments, where one will be able see many things that were happening that one did not see before. Was he/she being totally faithful? Totally truthful? What desires of his/her now become obvious that one had ignored before? What was happening that seemed to not be a problem at the time but actually contributed a lot to what happened? Many things become clear. In fact, after the breakup, there will be many unanswered questions. One gets more answers from this reflection than from directly asking. Most of her answers will probably revolve around, "I don't know." But, if one is able to let go of emotional links and look at the situation clearly, one will find many answers.

As many friends have told me, "You have to convince yourself that she's not good for you by thinking of all the things that went wrong." That is quite a difficult task. However, I no longer need to do that; I can now see clearly the facts to why the relationship would not have worked. It all started one day when I told myself, "Kenny, you don't deserve to be saddened by her shenanigan; Kenny, you deserve better." When I truly believed that affirmation, many things started becoming clear. I also did use the word "shenanigans" in my original affirmation.

For a while, one might not be ready to let go. In fact, for the longest time, I felt as though it would not be right to move on yet. Simply, after being together for so long, I felt as though there should be a period of grieving. And there should be - it is normal and even desirable to grieve, as it showed me many things: not to take for granted what I have, that girls are inherently illogical, that I spent a lot of time and energy that I will never get back, that very small details have big influences in the future - okay, so I learned mostly negative things from grieving, but truth is truth whether positive or negative. More importantly, though, I paid respects to what was an important period of my life.

So, in a way, the smart never totally moves on; the smart takes everything that has happened into consideration and forges a better future. Simply, the number of questions to which one answers "I don't know" should lower because now one has a better idea of what one wants. It is also never totally the other person's fault; something happens because of things that both partners are doing. So, in the end, one hopefully has learned much about oneself, other people, and what one wants in/from other people.

The almost always applicable quote summarizes this long essay which I had intended to be quite shorter:

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

The idea of waiting until a certain to express to someone how much he or she means to you (birthday, Valentine's Day, mother's/father's day, etc) has always seemed silly to me. These feeling should be expressed everyday, although it would not always be verbal. There are two problems that most people face: expressing love and constantly seeking the assurance of being loved. The second problem comes mainly due to the the existence of the first problem: in general, people are bad at showing others that they value their time and friendship.

The first factor that contributes to this problem is the cell phone. Texting has become so popular, especially among teenagers, that it has replaced calling and verbal confrontation in most situations. People just always text. Unfortunately, when someone texts someone else while engaged in a verbal conversation with another, it makes that person feel less important because the texter's attention is diverted. Sometimes, it seems as though people choose to respond to a text while in a conversation not because the text or sender is more important, but because it is a text message, and text messages get priority over actual conversations. Does it really make sense to take your attention off the person to whom you are speaking to answer a text message from someone who may or may not have something as important to say? It seems that when a message is delivered via text, the text message gets an extra +1 and makes us want to respond to it. Why? It may be an immediate desire thing: the sender took time to write a message and send it to me, it must be important. A clear minded individual, however, would see that the quality of the sender's attention would be higher if he or she had made the message a phone call instead.

The lack of phone calls is also another problem. There was a study that showed that when normal people listen to music, they act most positively to voice, then drums, then everything else. It makes sense; speaking and beating stuff are two things that we are naturally able to do, and the reason that we react more positively to voice than drums is because we understand the lyrics (when in a familiar language). Similarly, there is better rapport made in verbal communication compared to texted based. Texting is too informal and distant. It is also very inefficient.

People who are not good with direct, verbal conversation prefer texting. However, the ability to socialize verbally is important, and avoiding having to do it does not make it better. So, texting seems to create this paradox of contributing to feelings of isolation (due to poor social skills) while seemingly bringing more people together (due to being able to distantly keep in touch with many people).

There is also no way how I could see anyone would prefer a 3 hour texting conversation over a 30 minute verb conversation about the same subject. No matter how quickly you can type, you can speak faster and more clearly.

In addition to contributing to poor social skills, something else that increases isolation is when others watch you text. Most people don't ever "sit by themselves" anymore. Whether texting or not, they will be constantly checking their phones. Maybe this is just me, but if you're on the phone, then you're busy, and I wouldn't want to bother you. I eat by myself all the time. I watch other people eat by themselves, and I consider joining them, but then I see them take their phones out. They're obviously doing something, but it's not enjoying lunch, and they're not going to enjoy lunch with me if I intrude on that.

It also really annoys me when people bring their phones to track practice and keeps using them when not running (during breaks, etc). Obviously, track practice is for running. That should be the focus. Not making plans for the night or stupid drama. (Focus and priorities - a topic for another time.)

SMS stands for "short messaging service." When used correctly, ie. the way it was meant to be used, it is actually more efficient than phone calls. "Be there in 5," or "Are you going to practice?" work well as text messages. Pages and pages of abbreviated words is not efficient. In fact, on Google Voice, if you try to send a SMS past 6 pages (I believe), instead of telling you how many pages you have, it just says, "Really?" See, even Google agrees with me.

The only reason I text, and I'm ashamed to admit it, is because mostly everyone else does. I plan to change that, although it probably won't work well considering how well our generation deals with things outside of the norm.

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Using curse words is one of the most unoriginal and nonsensical things that you can do. I'm talking about those words that everyone uses everyday, to the point where people don't even think about what the words mean anymore. Usually, these words are used to emphasize a certain feeling, usually negativity, although they can also be used to emphasize feelings of happiness too. Makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? Actually, these words actually have origins and meanings. To use them as a qualitative adverb ("I'm so fucking sad/happy") is not incorrect (it might have been at one point, but language evolves), but it is inefficient and, to an educated ear, impeding to the mean which you are actually trying to convey. It is inefficient because it does not express your feelings as powerfully as you intended it to do.

Cursing does not express emotions or how passionate you are about something; it expresses laziness and unoriginality. It probably shows that you are not so passionate at all since you can't come up with a better word to describe it. Therefore, it seems logical that all you need to do is use a better word. A well thought out word that is relevant to the situation and true to your emotions. So, instead of, "I'm so fucking sad," how about, "I'm so disappointingly sad," or, "I'm so confused and sad." I'm thinking of someone who just got disappointed by something or someone. Here, that person has already expressed disappointment or confusion; the person listening does not have to wonder about that and has a better insight on what the speaker will say to her next.

If you just use any generic curse word, it seems to show that you're not really, say, that sad, because you're not sad enough to find a way to describe it. It is like the difference between telling someone, "I love you," and writing someone a poem expressing your feelings toward them.

I read this one snippet on the internet. It was about the difference between an English major and a Communications major. It said:

Comm. major: "What the hell is a palindrome?"
English major: "No, it's not."

I had to read it a few times, but it's really funny after you understand it.

These words work the way they do because of society. Society finds these words offensive, vulgar, powerful, and, in certain situations, forbidden. Unfortunately, many people haven't realized that most things that society does is nonsensically stupid. I honestly don't understand how people can think that cursing emphasizes what they say, especially when most people curse in every sentence anyway. If someone like me, who never curses, were to curse, and it were to people who knew me well, then that might be effective. However, just because I don't ever curse does not mean that if I were to get really emotional about something and curse while talking to a stranger, that he would know, "Oh, he never curses, but he did now. He must really mean it." However, there is no question about how I feel about something if I say, "That is so degradingly stupid."

Also, using negative words to emphasize a positive feeling just seems...also inefficient. Why not use a positive word to emphasize a positive emotion? "This cheesecake is so fucking good," -> "This cheesecake is godly good." You'd even get alliteration in that, which helps further. It only sounds weird because no one ever says it.

Think for yourself, and say what you mean by refraining from using nonsensical words.