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Relationship Labels
I’ve been thinking about this for a while and decided to publish it after talking to Shamus tonight.
“You are more cynical . . . ”
“Hmm. Wonder why. Must’ve been some negative experience that I had.”
In a healthy relationship, the labels are pretty much useless. The clearest label would be that of marriage, so let us look at that.
If a man and a woman get married, they become husband and wife. But why do people get married? Marriage, as it always had been, is two things: religious and legal. Anything else is purely coincidental; marriage has always meant to be these two things. For example, people can say that they are getting married for financial reasons, but it pretty much goes without saying that a married couple will do their best to support each other financially. Some people want to get married for emotional/psychological reasons: “She’s married to me now, so she probably won’t cheat on me.” It might be that sense of security, or it might be the feeling of finally being able to call something/someone your own.
In a healthy relationship, everything that both partners do is driven by their love for each other and the desire for an exclusive relationship or whatever it may be that they fancy. To think “Well, now I shouldn’t sleep around with everyone because I’m her boyfriend/husband,” or “Well now that she’s officially my girlfriend/wife, she’s not going to cheat on me” is foolish and unhealthy. The relationship should stay together because, say, the guy does not want to sleep around with anyone else, or the girl does not want to cheat; they love each other and would not think to nor want to do anything to ruin that. Another way to think of it is that it is not the relationship status that determines the actions, but the actions that determine what the relationship status is. And, if that is true, then it would not matter what they or other people label the relationship status — love is love, no matter what you call it.
The reasons why these labels exist, then, is because of society. Society just wants to put a label on everything for some reason . . . I suppose if we look at it from a Darwinism point of view, society is just inclined to point out the odd traits that exist. Many people are attracted to their traditions and their ways of thinking and find it hard to accept something new or different.
Imagine a couple who have a kid, but they were never married, even though they live together and love each other. The kid would might be called a bastard, love child, illegitimate . . . there are just so many negative labels that could used. And for what reason? Hypothetically, the child could have a normal childhood with a mother figure and a father figure by his/her side the whole time.
It seems as though this whole “tying the knot” deal might have a lot to do with society’s traditions, the media, insecurities, and the media. I always say that if a tradition works, then keep it, but if there is a more efficient way that works just as well, then it is time for change. And the media . . . the media causes just about every problem you could think of. In fact, the media is probably the major cause of insecurities, but I just felt like making a longer list, so I separated the two. Everything you watch, so many things to which you listen and you see involve people getting married. It would seem as though there is no question about it in most people’s minds that there is an alternative to the tradition marriage schpeal.
It would seem that, logically, if you are not religious and have no need to be “legally” married, then you should not get married. I can only think of a handful of reasons as to why one would need to get married for a legal reason (movie The Proposal, immigration). I once asked a friend, “Where do atheists get married. Certainly, not at a church in front of a priest?” Disappointingly, the response was, “Actually, most of them do just go to a church.”
To get into a relationship like this would be to not rush, but to let something (a friendship) grow out of love and understanding. Those are the healthiest relationships — the ones where both people are not only conscious of what both parties want, but unconsciously want nothing that would impede on that. So, whether that would be something that is more casual, something that is more exclusive, or any combination of anything, both parties will work to make that work because that is what they want; not because that is what a label say that should do.
“You are more cynical . . . ”
“Hmm. Wonder why. Must’ve been some negative experience that I had.”
In a healthy relationship, the labels are pretty much useless. The clearest label would be that of marriage, so let us look at that.
If a man and a woman get married, they become husband and wife. But why do people get married? Marriage, as it always had been, is two things: religious and legal. Anything else is purely coincidental; marriage has always meant to be these two things. For example, people can say that they are getting married for financial reasons, but it pretty much goes without saying that a married couple will do their best to support each other financially. Some people want to get married for emotional/psychological reasons: “She’s married to me now, so she probably won’t cheat on me.” It might be that sense of security, or it might be the feeling of finally being able to call something/someone your own.
In a healthy relationship, everything that both partners do is driven by their love for each other and the desire for an exclusive relationship or whatever it may be that they fancy. To think “Well, now I shouldn’t sleep around with everyone because I’m her boyfriend/husband,” or “Well now that she’s officially my girlfriend/wife, she’s not going to cheat on me” is foolish and unhealthy. The relationship should stay together because, say, the guy does not want to sleep around with anyone else, or the girl does not want to cheat; they love each other and would not think to nor want to do anything to ruin that. Another way to think of it is that it is not the relationship status that determines the actions, but the actions that determine what the relationship status is. And, if that is true, then it would not matter what they or other people label the relationship status — love is love, no matter what you call it.
The reasons why these labels exist, then, is because of society. Society just wants to put a label on everything for some reason . . . I suppose if we look at it from a Darwinism point of view, society is just inclined to point out the odd traits that exist. Many people are attracted to their traditions and their ways of thinking and find it hard to accept something new or different.
Imagine a couple who have a kid, but they were never married, even though they live together and love each other. The kid would might be called a bastard, love child, illegitimate . . . there are just so many negative labels that could used. And for what reason? Hypothetically, the child could have a normal childhood with a mother figure and a father figure by his/her side the whole time.
It seems as though this whole “tying the knot” deal might have a lot to do with society’s traditions, the media, insecurities, and the media. I always say that if a tradition works, then keep it, but if there is a more efficient way that works just as well, then it is time for change. And the media . . . the media causes just about every problem you could think of. In fact, the media is probably the major cause of insecurities, but I just felt like making a longer list, so I separated the two. Everything you watch, so many things to which you listen and you see involve people getting married. It would seem as though there is no question about it in most people’s minds that there is an alternative to the tradition marriage schpeal.
It would seem that, logically, if you are not religious and have no need to be “legally” married, then you should not get married. I can only think of a handful of reasons as to why one would need to get married for a legal reason (movie The Proposal, immigration). I once asked a friend, “Where do atheists get married. Certainly, not at a church in front of a priest?” Disappointingly, the response was, “Actually, most of them do just go to a church.”
To get into a relationship like this would be to not rush, but to let something (a friendship) grow out of love and understanding. Those are the healthiest relationships — the ones where both people are not only conscious of what both parties want, but unconsciously want nothing that would impede on that. So, whether that would be something that is more casual, something that is more exclusive, or any combination of anything, both parties will work to make that work because that is what they want; not because that is what a label say that should do.
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